why?
good question - basically the answer is death, ok?
dunno how long the human race or the internet or electricty will exist- to be honest, sometimes I do wish the earth'd have a wipe out moment & nothing exists from our 'time' on earth but hey, is this negative? - suppose it may be construed to be.
i'm basically uploading my tapes *cassettes* (of which I had about 1,000, now I have about 200 [various culls - some i regret losing some i don't]) and some vinyl records I have onto my you tube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0JyKitLU7wybEhL1T_qjww?view_as=subscriber
also I have uploaded some zines onto issuu : https://issuu.com/yantree1
and i keep updating youtube & issuu with various stuff occasionally - why?
cuz I wANNA give future generations an archive of what stupid shit we were into & what crazy zines we'd produce - that's it really.
feel like there's a million other words I could/should write right now but my mind is blank - pretty vacant huh
anarchy peace love & freedom xox xo
Saturday, 25 August 2018
Friday, 2 February 2018
guitar
this guitar - that became my tool of rebellion in teenage.
my friend - my lover - my waste-of-time - my connection to others.
sometimes it became special/precious...
later it became a weapon (I felt) due to being on the road & seeing many army trucks/vehicles also - I imagined I was an alternative soldier - a soldier of peace...
after such intense times, the guitar became a distraction, occasionally.
To (when I said to members of the) chumbas 'I hung up my guitar' after a last despicable gig in Bristol with Headcore & Blyth Power (I still [did] have it on tape!).
a guitar didn't happen with me for a long long time after.
I don't even know how I happened to have one when Kismet lost a bassist & there was me with a 6 string. Eventually got the 4 string & a 'cooler' one. it became something that others were better at, and a chore for me - but at least I was in a 'punk' band.
Just tidying up & putting the 'family' of instruments away.
There is/was a definate 'warm' feeling towards them.
This machine ain't gonna kill any fascists, but our ideas & action inspired by them & the music - might...... ......bless
my friend - my lover - my waste-of-time - my connection to others.
sometimes it became special/precious...
later it became a weapon (I felt) due to being on the road & seeing many army trucks/vehicles also - I imagined I was an alternative soldier - a soldier of peace...
after such intense times, the guitar became a distraction, occasionally.
To (when I said to members of the) chumbas 'I hung up my guitar' after a last despicable gig in Bristol with Headcore & Blyth Power (I still [did] have it on tape!).
a guitar didn't happen with me for a long long time after.
I don't even know how I happened to have one when Kismet lost a bassist & there was me with a 6 string. Eventually got the 4 string & a 'cooler' one. it became something that others were better at, and a chore for me - but at least I was in a 'punk' band.
Just tidying up & putting the 'family' of instruments away.
There is/was a definate 'warm' feeling towards them.
This machine ain't gonna kill any fascists, but our ideas & action inspired by them & the music - might...... ......bless
all I need...
on y mobile phone to god
She tells me that
the planet is gonna die
so gotta dig a big, big
hole to fill with the corpses
of all the people I ever knew
of course I',m gonna survive
cos I'm writing this stuff.
all I need
She tells me that
the planet is gonna die
so gotta dig a big, big
hole to fill with the corpses
of all the people I ever knew
of course I',m gonna survive
cos I'm writing this stuff.
all I need
Wednesday, 13 December 2017
Sensless Things : 'Yr my friends'
Sensless Things : 'Yr my friends'
(psychic)
can we bop thru
the soundwave channels?
as I've started - so said 'Magnus Magnusson'
don't ya love it when ya fuck up
with a mistake (keep up...) so bleedin'
obvious that - its worth a scream
- in relation to my soldered loudspeaker cum
video cable to phono pick ups. As my
other (blah) was nicked. Yeah. I soldered
it totally effing wrong i.e. +ve to -ve and
etc. Pleased and surprised ma compy didn't
shuck off its silicon mortal coil y'kno.
it's kinda nice how - you bet! - Family
e.g. unk Ray makes a joke from
the headline of Yorks Eve
Post. Only a wit such as his??
He's a fat fuckin' bastard, if ya
never knew. But it's 1996 & hey get
a life. 'Holy Crystalline Entities
Batman!' 'It's life - but not as
we know it, Jim'..... The Boy
Wonder and Spock. Vulcan extrodinairre.
blah de blah de blah.
".........and it pays the rent" elastica
as I mayhap realise a potential for my
video digitizer. Hey part 3 of a
journey within ma life. Dave (my bro)
everyone can do it now - yeah, I guess
so. so many angles on a single issue.
choice - rather than go wit
eine flow
creates siouxsie & the bansheez in ma
ears (in ma arms)...
(psychic)
can we bop thru
the soundwave channels?
as I've started - so said 'Magnus Magnusson'
don't ya love it when ya fuck up
with a mistake (keep up...) so bleedin'
obvious that - its worth a scream
- in relation to my soldered loudspeaker cum
video cable to phono pick ups. As my
other (blah) was nicked. Yeah. I soldered
it totally effing wrong i.e. +ve to -ve and
etc. Pleased and surprised ma compy didn't
shuck off its silicon mortal coil y'kno.
it's kinda nice how - you bet! - Family
e.g. unk Ray makes a joke from
the headline of Yorks Eve
Post. Only a wit such as his??
He's a fat fuckin' bastard, if ya
never knew. But it's 1996 & hey get
a life. 'Holy Crystalline Entities
Batman!' 'It's life - but not as
we know it, Jim'..... The Boy
Wonder and Spock. Vulcan extrodinairre.
blah de blah de blah.
".........and it pays the rent" elastica
as I mayhap realise a potential for my
video digitizer. Hey part 3 of a
journey within ma life. Dave (my bro)
everyone can do it now - yeah, I guess
so. so many angles on a single issue.
choice - rather than go wit
eine flow
creates siouxsie & the bansheez in ma
ears (in ma arms)...
I'm different
I'm different
So much so that I listened
ta tha sex pistols 12" of
'anarchy' on virgin records
and I thought, hey there's a
world to change and I'm
the person to do it. So, I
fell in love, age 14 - the undying
love ya forever unrequited type
that screws ya up mind, body
'n' soul - so every other relationship
is hinged, balanced - well it
persists as a fulcrum of future
definitions of love. But I hate
love - as it's a concept. And
I've been alone too long.
So much so that I listened
ta tha sex pistols 12" of
'anarchy' on virgin records
and I thought, hey there's a
world to change and I'm
the person to do it. So, I
fell in love, age 14 - the undying
love ya forever unrequited type
that screws ya up mind, body
'n' soul - so every other relationship
is hinged, balanced - well it
persists as a fulcrum of future
definitions of love. But I hate
love - as it's a concept. And
I've been alone too long.
I am an isolation
I am an isolation,
I'm a broken heart
I'm a cigarette without a light.
I'm a person who's been waiting
2 years for a call on the phone
or a call from the door.
Hey, its 1996, SteppenWolfe
he don't exist within this
time (tho' why do I feel
1,000's of hands write these
words). Okay so 'we' are not
the charismatic 'heroes' that
we worship - who characteristically
are deferential to the fervour
of homage given to them.
I.e. the people we liked.
Within their genes is love
and what is beautiful. We - the
unwashed - just have to love,
revere them. Suck toes, ground,
dicks, assholes, any orifice.
To prove we believe in them.
Tho' we too have a life, an
existence - an exit-stance.
Tho' SteppenWolfe realises
we're inbetween a confusing
time - a time when
breath - came free to
when it was choked
from a facial orofice
called a mouth - that lost its
meaning as everyone
talked when you wished to.
Like who is our god
he's a human, just like me.
I hate him - I want his
woman - and I don't give
a shit - really he's a wanker
and a despot.
I'm bled dry - no one gives
me the time of day. Is
this called (dear Bill) ENVY.
Christ a rhyme - within a
20th century poem what a joke.
There's 3 million sentences
within each line - now 50 million
before I reach the end. Maybe
60 million voices screech.
Now that would be weird.
I'm a sad bastard (not familial) with
a perverted attitude.
There's no end to this
as time never ends
and who ever wants a
good thing to end.
Surely the Goddess in
her heaven doesn't...?
(Nearly a happy ending to a
poem - must be thinking
of Cornerstone!!)
I'm a broken heart
I'm a cigarette without a light.
I'm a person who's been waiting
2 years for a call on the phone
or a call from the door.
Hey, its 1996, SteppenWolfe
he don't exist within this
time (tho' why do I feel
1,000's of hands write these
words). Okay so 'we' are not
the charismatic 'heroes' that
we worship - who characteristically
are deferential to the fervour
of homage given to them.
I.e. the people we liked.
Within their genes is love
and what is beautiful. We - the
unwashed - just have to love,
revere them. Suck toes, ground,
dicks, assholes, any orifice.
To prove we believe in them.
Tho' we too have a life, an
existence - an exit-stance.
Tho' SteppenWolfe realises
we're inbetween a confusing
time - a time when
breath - came free to
when it was choked
from a facial orofice
called a mouth - that lost its
meaning as everyone
talked when you wished to.
Like who is our god
he's a human, just like me.
I hate him - I want his
woman - and I don't give
a shit - really he's a wanker
and a despot.
I'm bled dry - no one gives
me the time of day. Is
this called (dear Bill) ENVY.
Christ a rhyme - within a
20th century poem what a joke.
There's 3 million sentences
within each line - now 50 million
before I reach the end. Maybe
60 million voices screech.
Now that would be weird.
I'm a sad bastard (not familial) with
a perverted attitude.
There's no end to this
as time never ends
and who ever wants a
good thing to end.
Surely the Goddess in
her heaven doesn't...?
(Nearly a happy ending to a
poem - must be thinking
of Cornerstone!!)
Holy - Mutha - Fuck.
29th muthafucka year. Summer '96
Holy - Mutha - Fuck.
I've been given a space
between - where the
beer slugs (slugs) down
tha neck...
and the space
(fullstop).
between a glimpse
of a ghost
the opening - straight forward
as it's meant to be tho'
recent party's - (diets)
influence the constant
alcohol flow
i.e. - fuck it.
Ain't got no beer.
I hate everyone
Tho' cuz I'm
a pacifist
I won't kill
by vicious
or extraneous
means, anyone
or anything
or any - god bothering
satan crushing
lucifer statenend
animal 'pon this
planet -
hail lucifer - with
satan, in close
attendance +
say hi, to Siobhan
Mandy, Mick + Stu.
Whilst ones trying to
fill up ones poetry quota.
Blah x blah = mega blah
try it on people who think
& matter
Stu's birthday party #
Holy - Mutha - Fuck.
I've been given a space
between - where the
beer slugs (slugs) down
tha neck...
and the space
(fullstop).
between a glimpse
of a ghost
the opening - straight forward
as it's meant to be tho'
recent party's - (diets)
influence the constant
alcohol flow
i.e. - fuck it.
Ain't got no beer.
I hate everyone
Tho' cuz I'm
a pacifist
I won't kill
by vicious
or extraneous
means, anyone
or anything
or any - god bothering
satan crushing
lucifer statenend
animal 'pon this
planet -
hail lucifer - with
satan, in close
attendance +
say hi, to Siobhan
Mandy, Mick + Stu.
Whilst ones trying to
fill up ones poetry quota.
Blah x blah = mega blah
try it on people who think
& matter
Stu's birthday party #
untitle
2027 hologrammic
tv
mega!
S.o.M.
dark magic
Friends = favours.
(.SUNRISE POST SOLSTICE.)
TV Ch.4 Films
= events within
ma life.
Open up to
intrigue.
120 Rats ~~~ 14th June. Friday ~~~ '96
120 Rats ~~~ 14th June. Friday ~~~ '96
POLARIS: from Leeds: very instrumental 3 or 4 straight songs with no words - 1 overheard comment 'I hate bands like this' another overheard comment 'I think this is the best band in the UK right now'.
Very musical and adept use of instruments. The night was just getting going for me, I didn't pay them too much mind really. Quite musical - a distinct lack of the usually crucial 'fuzzbox' guitar noise.
[Met Cameron, then Sned. Neil said hello (tho' later fucked me off (no painting) oh bummer]
HEADACHE: 3/4 french 1/4 UK: mostly live in the UK (some at 120 Rats) - about to go on tour with Hiatus til next wednesday then Europe, a 30 date tour & no room in their van! I've seen Headache 3 X now, I met Seth @ Bradford - a nice Sheffield lad & accomplished bass player. with a vibrant happy-go-lucky stage presence. Tito - the guitarist, takes his glasses off on stage & plays some weird guitar. either dischords or strange one given to him by aliens who've had millions of years of punk rock & wanna influence it somehow. His harmonics, chord sequencing & choppy rhythms may just do it. Max, the vocalist has a good line in guttural growling screaming. Not howls or gut wrenching soul cries but a balanced concept of life from 1 end of a microphone & he's a good dancer. I don't know the drummer, but he wears a nice combo of black jeans and a kilt with sporran! cropped hair and a wicked drummer. I bet, if he had a kit the size of Cozy Powell's he wouldn't be lost, due to the awesome drum rolls he performed. very driving with no quarter given.
HIATUS: Belgium: finish UK tour on Wednesday in London, played Glasgow last night. Nottingham, Southampton & Bath (possibly). Their drummer was good, very competent. In the occasions where it was just drums, vocals and bass - the rhythm was sensational I was moshing with no care for tomorrow. Then when the 2 guitarists, moved their hands, striking the strings, actuating the pick-ups to direct the noise to the amps. I went into headbanger Nirvana. This is not a heavy metal band. They, by the admission of one of the guitar players, are a Hard Rock Band. Total driving force. Intent. Blinding. Was this hardcore, maybe it was. it, the fervour can never die - which reminds me of 1 song 'do you wanna die' or something like that..... I'd just made an impromptu noose. But hey: I forgot to mention that 1 guitarist had a real Gibson!!! looks like Eric Cantona - to me anyway. Absolute Fuckin' Brill. but hey, I'd say this about ABBA, if I was pissed & dancing - so there ya go. words on a page for you (?) to read
POLARIS: from Leeds: very instrumental 3 or 4 straight songs with no words - 1 overheard comment 'I hate bands like this' another overheard comment 'I think this is the best band in the UK right now'.
Very musical and adept use of instruments. The night was just getting going for me, I didn't pay them too much mind really. Quite musical - a distinct lack of the usually crucial 'fuzzbox' guitar noise.
[Met Cameron, then Sned. Neil said hello (tho' later fucked me off (no painting) oh bummer]
HEADACHE: 3/4 french 1/4 UK: mostly live in the UK (some at 120 Rats) - about to go on tour with Hiatus til next wednesday then Europe, a 30 date tour & no room in their van! I've seen Headache 3 X now, I met Seth @ Bradford - a nice Sheffield lad & accomplished bass player. with a vibrant happy-go-lucky stage presence. Tito - the guitarist, takes his glasses off on stage & plays some weird guitar. either dischords or strange one given to him by aliens who've had millions of years of punk rock & wanna influence it somehow. His harmonics, chord sequencing & choppy rhythms may just do it. Max, the vocalist has a good line in guttural growling screaming. Not howls or gut wrenching soul cries but a balanced concept of life from 1 end of a microphone & he's a good dancer. I don't know the drummer, but he wears a nice combo of black jeans and a kilt with sporran! cropped hair and a wicked drummer. I bet, if he had a kit the size of Cozy Powell's he wouldn't be lost, due to the awesome drum rolls he performed. very driving with no quarter given.
HIATUS: Belgium: finish UK tour on Wednesday in London, played Glasgow last night. Nottingham, Southampton & Bath (possibly). Their drummer was good, very competent. In the occasions where it was just drums, vocals and bass - the rhythm was sensational I was moshing with no care for tomorrow. Then when the 2 guitarists, moved their hands, striking the strings, actuating the pick-ups to direct the noise to the amps. I went into headbanger Nirvana. This is not a heavy metal band. They, by the admission of one of the guitar players, are a Hard Rock Band. Total driving force. Intent. Blinding. Was this hardcore, maybe it was. it, the fervour can never die - which reminds me of 1 song 'do you wanna die' or something like that..... I'd just made an impromptu noose. But hey: I forgot to mention that 1 guitarist had a real Gibson!!! looks like Eric Cantona - to me anyway. Absolute Fuckin' Brill. but hey, I'd say this about ABBA, if I was pissed & dancing - so there ya go. words on a page for you (?) to read
note
note: if i wanted to commit suicide i would like to chop off my hand - totes grotesque as it may seem tho' there'd be no going back -
no - looking for the correct vein
no - slashing across
i bet there's been successful lateral suicides - god love them
just a 'pissed up' dream
of death
sad, sad bastard.
fuck poem...
no - looking for the correct vein
no - slashing across
i bet there's been successful lateral suicides - god love them
just a 'pissed up' dream
of death
sad, sad bastard.
fuck poem...
simple yet effective
Wednesday 12th ~~~ 1 in 12 Club ~~~ 1996
ERKO: UK: loud can't remember but seeing them on Friday. Best/most enjoyable was guitarre out of tune on 1 song. Disharmony with the bass was a brill juxtaposition of sounds - sound ideology of early Rudimentary Peni, association of Sepultura or White Zombie.
HEADACHE: 3/4 French + 1/4 UK: punk jazz fusion & screams, was chatting to Matt & Craig who'd just done a radio show. Almost Victims Family in inventiveness - or is it just enjoyment of tricky likeable tunes - or just plain idiocy?
DOOM: UK: 'they've got better!' Amebix on speed could be so gothick death metal grind, but surf on the crest of the punk rock wave (that was a metaphor). Best bit bass: an angry (need a stronger word) bee so distorted and thrashed.
HIATUS: Belgium: Poison Ivy without the ska but with all the energy & technical ability, a clean sound without death metal licks/riffs. Why did the singer - who was smiling all the time - have a monkey wrench in his hand? (there was a bit of trouble with a mic & 1 guitar) 2 guitars bass drums - very solid, excellent. pace was very fast, ear splitting mega punk.
Snappy
ERKO: UK: loud can't remember but seeing them on Friday. Best/most enjoyable was guitarre out of tune on 1 song. Disharmony with the bass was a brill juxtaposition of sounds - sound ideology of early Rudimentary Peni, association of Sepultura or White Zombie.
HEADACHE: 3/4 French + 1/4 UK: punk jazz fusion & screams, was chatting to Matt & Craig who'd just done a radio show. Almost Victims Family in inventiveness - or is it just enjoyment of tricky likeable tunes - or just plain idiocy?
DOOM: UK: 'they've got better!' Amebix on speed could be so gothick death metal grind, but surf on the crest of the punk rock wave (that was a metaphor). Best bit bass: an angry (need a stronger word) bee so distorted and thrashed.
HIATUS: Belgium: Poison Ivy without the ska but with all the energy & technical ability, a clean sound without death metal licks/riffs. Why did the singer - who was smiling all the time - have a monkey wrench in his hand? (there was a bit of trouble with a mic & 1 guitar) 2 guitars bass drums - very solid, excellent. pace was very fast, ear splitting mega punk.
Snappy
An epitaph for the poem I thought of last night
(An epitaph for the poem
I thought of last night)
Unfortunately written cloaked,
in the guise of - a
ghost of: a poem...
Rather than a mega
dream, of which many have
graced the neurotransmitters
of my damaged brain. (read
previous poems if ya don't believe
it, ya). It, the 'unwritten'
poem, asked then pleaded
to be writ. Tho' when I
put - well, thought of putting
my hand out to grab pen +
paper - I knew no pen was
there. As I was in bed,
with the cover/duvet covering
my head to shield out the
light of this bleedin' gorgeous
day. So I let it reverberate
thru' my mind in words -
not images - just words.
The thing is, unlike - uncalled
for poems - spur of the mo thangs,
like this; it (the thought/dream
poem) was complete: absolutely
whole. Really it was more
aliken'd to a song. With
Music - ? No. It stated everything
I felt in a most succinct simple
format. That it would have
been a joy to write it.
Even if, cos of my forgetfulness
I would've lost it
half way thru'
and strived to keep
it going - substituting the
beautiful succinct words/feelings
for what I could interpret
from that fleeting sense of
knowing but not realising;
liken unto the phrase 'it's
on the tip of my tongue'.
Hey, I still retain the
scars from it (mental though
they are) as it inspired
me, as did 1 litre of cider
(gosh satan how surprising), Romania
versus France on tv. And
previously surfing the net on
Stephen King's 'The Green Mile'
Home Page. Cosmic. Still Unremembered.
75% = 4 litres Human Blood
if I should die.....
..... ...... ....... ........
......I pray the lord my soul
to take
God Bless. ................
I thought of last night)
Unfortunately written cloaked,
in the guise of - a
ghost of: a poem...
Rather than a mega
dream, of which many have
graced the neurotransmitters
of my damaged brain. (read
previous poems if ya don't believe
it, ya). It, the 'unwritten'
poem, asked then pleaded
to be writ. Tho' when I
put - well, thought of putting
my hand out to grab pen +
paper - I knew no pen was
there. As I was in bed,
with the cover/duvet covering
my head to shield out the
light of this bleedin' gorgeous
day. So I let it reverberate
thru' my mind in words -
not images - just words.
The thing is, unlike - uncalled
for poems - spur of the mo thangs,
like this; it (the thought/dream
poem) was complete: absolutely
whole. Really it was more
aliken'd to a song. With
Music - ? No. It stated everything
I felt in a most succinct simple
format. That it would have
been a joy to write it.
Even if, cos of my forgetfulness
I would've lost it
half way thru'
and strived to keep
it going - substituting the
beautiful succinct words/feelings
for what I could interpret
from that fleeting sense of
knowing but not realising;
liken unto the phrase 'it's
on the tip of my tongue'.
Hey, I still retain the
scars from it (mental though
they are) as it inspired
me, as did 1 litre of cider
(gosh satan how surprising), Romania
versus France on tv. And
previously surfing the net on
Stephen King's 'The Green Mile'
Home Page. Cosmic. Still Unremembered.
75% = 4 litres Human Blood
if I should die.....
..... ...... ....... ........
......I pray the lord my soul
to take
God Bless. ................
Tuesday, 12 December 2017
11:40pm (2.1.96?)
penning this with a pen tho' it comes from thought - put into the personal cyberspace of this 'psychocyber jockey' and 'eventually' downloaded to the printer: which is loaded (etc) by myself also - so its almost like i'm writing, straight from the heart to you - via pen & paper. paper remains the same coz i've gotta print on it
for siobhan
i love your name - tho i wonder should it have a weird accent over the 'a' such as grave accent (like french) or german over the 'o' [umlaut] maybe it should be a circumflex over - no its stoopid.
well. this is an introduction really to the mad - poetic world of jan/tree/snapdragon - how do ye do.
maybe you write me a poem & i learn about you.
god you're so brilliant & a mega friend mate pal bud.
i wanna shag you stoopid
tho stay the same - is it possible???
gotta be more deep or phraseological babe love dear hun
21:34 2.1.96
well. this is an introduction really to the mad - poetic world of jan/tree/snapdragon - how do ye do.
maybe you write me a poem & i learn about you.
god you're so brilliant & a mega friend mate pal bud.
i wanna shag you stoopid
tho stay the same - is it possible???
gotta be more deep or phraseological babe love dear hun
21:34 2.1.96
why nursing?
why nursing?:
professional nursing has to be organised on principles which are rather less individualistic than the notion of simply caring for patients. Hospital - based and community nursing require competent and efficient services organised to provide equal access and fairness in the distribution of health care resources for all in need (12)
Xmas(ish) family eat a big meal I don't. ma, & I wait for david. he arrives - give him a comic to read - he tries it on I bite him kind of then I wanna show him things. go with about 3 people 1 nazi - 2 guides down down all these passages - roads - theu doors to a fountain in a black & white film italian square. thru into a wood - in a big warehouse, trees, carpet on floor rooms full of childhood stuff - all the clothes I used to wear a few years back, records, videos playing endless loops. things I'd lost etc, wanted to stop all the power loss - like it was my minds memory. kind of still functioning - so that is/was the state of my mind/memory - good grief charlie brown.
dream friday (or thursday) morning/afternoon (Nov 30/31st. Dec 1st '95)
professional nursing has to be organised on principles which are rather less individualistic than the notion of simply caring for patients. Hospital - based and community nursing require competent and efficient services organised to provide equal access and fairness in the distribution of health care resources for all in need (12)
Xmas(ish) family eat a big meal I don't. ma, & I wait for david. he arrives - give him a comic to read - he tries it on I bite him kind of then I wanna show him things. go with about 3 people 1 nazi - 2 guides down down all these passages - roads - theu doors to a fountain in a black & white film italian square. thru into a wood - in a big warehouse, trees, carpet on floor rooms full of childhood stuff - all the clothes I used to wear a few years back, records, videos playing endless loops. things I'd lost etc, wanted to stop all the power loss - like it was my minds memory. kind of still functioning - so that is/was the state of my mind/memory - good grief charlie brown.
dream friday (or thursday) morning/afternoon (Nov 30/31st. Dec 1st '95)
9 days of sobriety
9 days of sobriety.
ma calls -says people are pissed off with me on the telephone
more reality aka G'ma
2 more litres of cider
& wild palms.
Bravo to Sky 1.
- the end. (potentially premature - 1 year or more celibacy)
neat idea - my funeral.
got this idea that there's no one sat down or around
maybe it was old age or just circumstance.
not like anything on teevee
or just exactly like 4 weds & 1 funeral
who knows - I won't
less I see it in a dream
there's no ghost of reality
stalking these corridors of thought
no dusty cobwebs of antiquated grandeur
illusion of religious systemization
if only gothic
if only romantic
if only money
if only friends
if only eternity
if only if only
it doesn't matter for i will never care for anything that may happen when I am not 'there'.
to say 'i do' now is well suspect. star trek - next generation on sky1 "(gotta stay for the whole intro sequence before I know the episodes title - gosh how many seconds are passing...........as if it makes much difference to my life of the past year or ever.....heightened awareness matters or seeming clarity) Contagion"
Piss break -
Glimpse of ringing phone - another addiction. "it's good to talk" needing a beginning, middle & ending
waiting 1/4 of an hour for another tee vee prog on BBC2 terrestrial tv (listening to ATV) sad bastard or what - part time punk left over from last decade 80's - now a twat of indie 90's proportion.
these - some of them - scribbles of language on these pages are nonsensical & honestly truly unworthy of being wrote.
grown tired/bored of the prog. more interest in tape from early 80's. vision on muted sound >36 hours of video8 material like the way my legs hang from my thigh down to toe enclosed in shoes.
ma calls -says people are pissed off with me on the telephone
more reality aka G'ma
2 more litres of cider
& wild palms.
Bravo to Sky 1.
- the end. (potentially premature - 1 year or more celibacy)
neat idea - my funeral.
got this idea that there's no one sat down or around
maybe it was old age or just circumstance.
not like anything on teevee
or just exactly like 4 weds & 1 funeral
who knows - I won't
less I see it in a dream
there's no ghost of reality
stalking these corridors of thought
no dusty cobwebs of antiquated grandeur
illusion of religious systemization
if only gothic
if only romantic
if only money
if only friends
if only eternity
if only if only
it doesn't matter for i will never care for anything that may happen when I am not 'there'.
to say 'i do' now is well suspect. star trek - next generation on sky1 "(gotta stay for the whole intro sequence before I know the episodes title - gosh how many seconds are passing...........as if it makes much difference to my life of the past year or ever.....heightened awareness matters or seeming clarity) Contagion"
Piss break -
Glimpse of ringing phone - another addiction. "it's good to talk" needing a beginning, middle & ending
waiting 1/4 of an hour for another tee vee prog on BBC2 terrestrial tv (listening to ATV) sad bastard or what - part time punk left over from last decade 80's - now a twat of indie 90's proportion.
these - some of them - scribbles of language on these pages are nonsensical & honestly truly unworthy of being wrote.
grown tired/bored of the prog. more interest in tape from early 80's. vision on muted sound >36 hours of video8 material like the way my legs hang from my thigh down to toe enclosed in shoes.
too many cans of lager throughout a day
too many cans of lager throughout a day
another teevee mind
a million worlds away
meditation, meedeeayshun, medication
continuing thee. never ending
fiction rowmance. videyo herbivore
i! ackweeess. highbrid mutant. in
space walk. burning passion. weird
desire. enthusiasm of tragedy. a
comic opera. future storeee
another teevee mind
a million worlds away
meditation, meedeeayshun, medication
continuing thee. never ending
fiction rowmance. videyo herbivore
i! ackweeess. highbrid mutant. in
space walk. burning passion. weird
desire. enthusiasm of tragedy. a
comic opera. future storeee
'2 LITRES OF SUPER'
20:59 WED 15 NOV. '2 LITRES OF SUPER'
from ch. 08 UKGOLD - on the remote I smashed on that sat/sunday telephone vodka experience.
Guy on a bike - shop & £2.60 +
Ready for the ch. 4 film.
Gonna pour it into a pint glass - bottle in fridge & see how (view reaction).
1st sip 21:04 - rollin' a fag. 21:07 lite up. dead funny - burping abit.
pain in jaw dissipated.
2/3 down the glass - adverts - nice film - slightly hazy - think the rain might come thru the holed window might cling film it.
21:52 2nd glass gulps are big checking the time - chappy offy closes 22:30 - still got £2.00...?
time was when - is this the beginning of a mega o another distraction.
back to 1/3 left (in glass) @ 22:21 - after channel change & moments with this pen, page, ink & 30 years of english a look to RT not. Madonna video on VH1 & a piss. pretend psychic voice saying my name in emotional state - smelly bog. light switch 'good lord, I seemed to have finished my drink, excuse me' - quote.
thought of proposal & friendship - gone wholly 2 scenes on in the film 22:30 after fiona professes LOVE for Charles (could do real names from whatever...) liked the portrait on the wall.
Joy Division song for death.
& a refill for empty glass -
W. H. Auden - or cookies.....
22:45 remember (word is sooooo surprising! ha)
of my mates seeing this in the cinema at Newport. here I've got 7/8ths full glass. fridge with 1/2 pint of cider in it. closed b/room door for draft & sweaty shoes from 1/4 an hour ago. channel change X4 all most adverts - which ever way one uses those strange inbuilt (evolouted) viewing things. "it's the girl on the Boddies ads!!" cider taste - fuggin horrible
really a sweeping feeling & wish to phone Karen (who's a lesbian I guess) avoidance! rather then.
got about 3/8th left of ma pint. love the film.
wanna be intimate with siobhan don't care for the credits - very english - no welsh, scottish weird feelings & about 1 or 2 million other viewers - of this ch. 4 premiere. still got some grog. left to quaff. no vikings alright.
next: to do list = (love her kids - do!) move room around vacuum on thurs, wait for fin til 9am - sleep - move room around finding places for records - can Romantics Byron etc still be infused - tho I never been to Greece & people hate me (nothing tape et al - maybe radio 5. plug in BCB ?? question mark).
192 B 01274 771677 - phone call: no answer tho 192 (on Bell cable network)
192: Samaritans 0113 245 6789
192: how not to feel unhappy 0345 909 090
drink - anyway to help insomniacs
Alcoholics Anonymous: phone George #274 1247
Hyde Park. Methodist session. just off Hyde Park Rd. Woodsley 8pm.
192: 0800 - to head office for the complete list of freephone #'s (any about)
rather than cost a real fortune give them real parameters.
After St James, Samaritans. tried Ste Blackburn's ansaphone (this is daring stuff til 4am & USA. phoned Tia in Npt. Talked of various people - laughed alot - felt good(ish).
after 2X 0500 110 100 free phone Radio 1 will no answer & a foray into the kitchen - finding my pint - & after finding it again after no flouch {????} - weirdness no more alcohol & 00:22 - mtv - Radiohead - no application other than wishing to do more!!!!! MORE. got my Amiga 500 down - wanna digitize - cable tv check if its broadcast quality....
192 - Lucy XXX
100 - USA time zones (if poss) no answer cos admittedly lost (in this room) the other address book 'the t'other says' 2am = 6/7am in Austin Texas - ie phone Lainie.
Must've been prime directive cuz nothing else on my mind @ 00:31
MEGA TELEPHONE ADDICTED
code to Italy
153: 00:39 - 1 hour ahead. phoning up my dad
00:39: 3327 85896 desk (room) checking out this format - pen on ink on paper.....
so its 00:51 after phonig my pa - waiting to phone Lainie all the realisations of recrimination smash 'gainst my brain still i would like to be friends until she/they fuck me off totally - as everyone (mostly) has
phoned
4609 A Depew
Austin Texas
78751 - USA
email - drublood@eden.com
19.2.
(24.4). modem
talkin to Lainie was cataclysmic she's great & I love her like a brick. look @ tv. comp on internet look at vacuum - looking bleeding sexy - wanna - get on comp - interact all over universe instead wanna smash something - stead pulled out a hair on ma head, listened to mtv & chilled out.
just - NO BYRONESQUE SHIT
comps: 0500 192 192 - engaged
comp: 432 422
WCS 450 623
IBW WK 448 255
CONTEC 341 234
COMP C/O 420 601
192: Apple : apple Leeds 2000: 249 1728
LS11 734 0044
BT cable} systems
192: 0500 43 43 43 - 1080 Harrogate Rd £25 average charge.
so after interflora - fucked off interset & mega joviality Fucked off involvement with trivia eg phoning up blah'd numbers, choc chip cookies 'n' coffee - nothing to really endanger the brain (ha)
25 minutes to 5am - can't sleep - various things on my brain - failed masturbation - madonna on manky tape plugged in comp, wish i was on internet (not mega really) [wanted to think of comp art i could do - still work it out as it goes] had a mega chat with Lainie. cuz she's american sure I guess.
gotta buy tobacco -
got my amiga online - the curtains puked up the cling film - 5.40am (from Mickey Mouse clock - after a really weakish psychic motherly voice saying my name) 2X rice & tomato stuff with vegeburger mix. digitized images from 'Lie to me' Bon Jovi video - TRY GOING BACK TO SLEEP?!
6am - nasty shitty emanation from stomach pit, itchy arsehole - fucked off ambience generally - no cigs a usual morning - in back of mind look forward to wasting 8/9/10/11/12 hours in bed after 9am. as per bleeding usual.
continue to write this banality as the cider courses - oh so weakly thru blood stream - After going to all night garage I call it ended. So said v. weak psychic voice of Sarah going 'huh' - disgustedly - because I didn't watch her wedding video & 'hair' video or digitize them????
Can't mind meld (ala spock from star trek so never know. 13 lines of inane triffle) [14 lines now].
END.
from ch. 08 UKGOLD - on the remote I smashed on that sat/sunday telephone vodka experience.
Guy on a bike - shop & £2.60 +
Ready for the ch. 4 film.
Gonna pour it into a pint glass - bottle in fridge & see how (view reaction).
1st sip 21:04 - rollin' a fag. 21:07 lite up. dead funny - burping abit.
pain in jaw dissipated.
2/3 down the glass - adverts - nice film - slightly hazy - think the rain might come thru the holed window might cling film it.
21:52 2nd glass gulps are big checking the time - chappy offy closes 22:30 - still got £2.00...?
time was when - is this the beginning of a mega o another distraction.
back to 1/3 left (in glass) @ 22:21 - after channel change & moments with this pen, page, ink & 30 years of english a look to RT not. Madonna video on VH1 & a piss. pretend psychic voice saying my name in emotional state - smelly bog. light switch 'good lord, I seemed to have finished my drink, excuse me' - quote.
thought of proposal & friendship - gone wholly 2 scenes on in the film 22:30 after fiona professes LOVE for Charles (could do real names from whatever...) liked the portrait on the wall.
Joy Division song for death.
& a refill for empty glass -
W. H. Auden - or cookies.....
22:45 remember (word is sooooo surprising! ha)
of my mates seeing this in the cinema at Newport. here I've got 7/8ths full glass. fridge with 1/2 pint of cider in it. closed b/room door for draft & sweaty shoes from 1/4 an hour ago. channel change X4 all most adverts - which ever way one uses those strange inbuilt (evolouted) viewing things. "it's the girl on the Boddies ads!!" cider taste - fuggin horrible
really a sweeping feeling & wish to phone Karen (who's a lesbian I guess) avoidance! rather then.
got about 3/8th left of ma pint. love the film.
wanna be intimate with siobhan don't care for the credits - very english - no welsh, scottish weird feelings & about 1 or 2 million other viewers - of this ch. 4 premiere. still got some grog. left to quaff. no vikings alright.
next: to do list = (love her kids - do!) move room around vacuum on thurs, wait for fin til 9am - sleep - move room around finding places for records - can Romantics Byron etc still be infused - tho I never been to Greece & people hate me (nothing tape et al - maybe radio 5. plug in BCB ?? question mark).
192 B 01274 771677 - phone call: no answer tho 192 (on Bell cable network)
192: Samaritans 0113 245 6789
192: how not to feel unhappy 0345 909 090
drink - anyway to help insomniacs
Alcoholics Anonymous: phone George #274 1247
Hyde Park. Methodist session. just off Hyde Park Rd. Woodsley 8pm.
192: 0800 - to head office for the complete list of freephone #'s (any about)
rather than cost a real fortune give them real parameters.
After St James, Samaritans. tried Ste Blackburn's ansaphone (this is daring stuff til 4am & USA. phoned Tia in Npt. Talked of various people - laughed alot - felt good(ish).
after 2X 0500 110 100 free phone Radio 1 will no answer & a foray into the kitchen - finding my pint - & after finding it again after no flouch {????} - weirdness no more alcohol & 00:22 - mtv - Radiohead - no application other than wishing to do more!!!!! MORE. got my Amiga 500 down - wanna digitize - cable tv check if its broadcast quality....
192 - Lucy XXX
100 - USA time zones (if poss) no answer cos admittedly lost (in this room) the other address book 'the t'other says' 2am = 6/7am in Austin Texas - ie phone Lainie.
Must've been prime directive cuz nothing else on my mind @ 00:31
MEGA TELEPHONE ADDICTED
code to Italy
153: 00:39 - 1 hour ahead. phoning up my dad
00:39: 3327 85896 desk (room) checking out this format - pen on ink on paper.....
so its 00:51 after phonig my pa - waiting to phone Lainie all the realisations of recrimination smash 'gainst my brain still i would like to be friends until she/they fuck me off totally - as everyone (mostly) has
phoned
4609 A Depew
Austin Texas
78751 - USA
email - drublood@eden.com
19.2.
(24.4). modem
talkin to Lainie was cataclysmic she's great & I love her like a brick. look @ tv. comp on internet look at vacuum - looking bleeding sexy - wanna - get on comp - interact all over universe instead wanna smash something - stead pulled out a hair on ma head, listened to mtv & chilled out.
just - NO BYRONESQUE SHIT
comps: 0500 192 192 - engaged
comp: 432 422
WCS 450 623
IBW WK 448 255
CONTEC 341 234
COMP C/O 420 601
192: Apple : apple Leeds 2000: 249 1728
LS11 734 0044
BT cable} systems
192: 0500 43 43 43 - 1080 Harrogate Rd £25 average charge.
so after interflora - fucked off interset & mega joviality Fucked off involvement with trivia eg phoning up blah'd numbers, choc chip cookies 'n' coffee - nothing to really endanger the brain (ha)
25 minutes to 5am - can't sleep - various things on my brain - failed masturbation - madonna on manky tape plugged in comp, wish i was on internet (not mega really) [wanted to think of comp art i could do - still work it out as it goes] had a mega chat with Lainie. cuz she's american sure I guess.
gotta buy tobacco -
got my amiga online - the curtains puked up the cling film - 5.40am (from Mickey Mouse clock - after a really weakish psychic motherly voice saying my name) 2X rice & tomato stuff with vegeburger mix. digitized images from 'Lie to me' Bon Jovi video - TRY GOING BACK TO SLEEP?!
6am - nasty shitty emanation from stomach pit, itchy arsehole - fucked off ambience generally - no cigs a usual morning - in back of mind look forward to wasting 8/9/10/11/12 hours in bed after 9am. as per bleeding usual.
continue to write this banality as the cider courses - oh so weakly thru blood stream - After going to all night garage I call it ended. So said v. weak psychic voice of Sarah going 'huh' - disgustedly - because I didn't watch her wedding video & 'hair' video or digitize them????
Can't mind meld (ala spock from star trek so never know. 13 lines of inane triffle) [14 lines now].
END.
Monday, 11 December 2017
recipe for a most usual day
recipe for a most usual day
wake up and get up at 10 mins past 1pm after goin' to bed previous night at 4am - sleeping fitfully, tossing painfully til 7am reading a page or 2 occasionally in between this time span, Tiredness usually takes care of anything til this magical time 20 past 1pm now after thinking what a life - opening curtains, pulling on keks, checking mail - turn on 'Home & Away'
After either channel hop til 4am (ish) when the tv goes off.
or turn off tv. pick up latest Stephen King book 'Needful Things' - drink coffee, shufflebottom a bit - avoiding the pain. smoke. clean up - wash up - vac a bit re-arrange stuff.
5.25pm turn on 'Neighbours' (its a tues so ...) turn off tv [very unusual] put on cooker spend next hour and a half cooking, listening to music til 'Eastenders', Brooky at 8.30pm. Do painting, watching tv til 4/5am - begin cycle again.
7pm Twin Peaks
Startrek 10pm
Moonlighting 2am.
tuesday 24th Oct (1995?) 6.15pm
wake up and get up at 10 mins past 1pm after goin' to bed previous night at 4am - sleeping fitfully, tossing painfully til 7am reading a page or 2 occasionally in between this time span, Tiredness usually takes care of anything til this magical time 20 past 1pm now after thinking what a life - opening curtains, pulling on keks, checking mail - turn on 'Home & Away'
After either channel hop til 4am (ish) when the tv goes off.
or turn off tv. pick up latest Stephen King book 'Needful Things' - drink coffee, shufflebottom a bit - avoiding the pain. smoke. clean up - wash up - vac a bit re-arrange stuff.
5.25pm turn on 'Neighbours' (its a tues so ...) turn off tv [very unusual] put on cooker spend next hour and a half cooking, listening to music til 'Eastenders', Brooky at 8.30pm. Do painting, watching tv til 4/5am - begin cycle again.
7pm Twin Peaks
Startrek 10pm
Moonlighting 2am.
tuesday 24th Oct (1995?) 6.15pm
thoughts on.........
thoughts on saturday 21st October (1995?) 23:39
this time last night I was at Stomps. after 1 small bottle of kiwi lemon 20/20 1 litre of boss super cider & moving my room around a bit.
left Stomps - quite drunk went to Silver Fir Tree club on Chapeltown Rd. seemed okay. Danced a little, chatted, then outside I think I got chased by a number of women - I ran & fell over. Kinda saw some faces & felt being kicked - not fully sure image stays in my memory of my hand being covered in blood.
there were people - police - ambulance don't remember - breathing mask. All a blur really. On a bed, trolley doctor & nurse stitching my face up Was taken to a bed in Ward 28. Slept, woke got up, dressed and discharged myself they got me a free taxi. Got to St Mary's Rd - called on Lucy & Finlay - in the middle of the night - fin gave me spare keys for #3 - couldn't get the door unlocked so I went round the back. smashed kitchen window climbed in & went to bed.
Got up at 4/5pm bad head - aches & pains. bruised ribs - bruised coccys (base of spine). pulled a clump of hair out - its all dry & clogged with blood. knee scraped elbow chewed up. Jaw painful both sides mostly on right side where jawbone joins skull.
its mega painful to move - requiring slow definite movements helped by hands lifting main bulk.
I think about what I lost
4am the carnival of remembrance cavorts on.wake - never slept - fitful dozing after page 402 of Needful Things (Stephen King). That Clash song from Sandinista "somebody got murdered" 'small stain on the pavement' thinking of my blood on the street someplace a phone call - a passing patrol car - another or rather the penultimate dogend.
the cuts, the grazes, the ache, the pain, the loss, apprehension, being ripped off. someone prob. will be wearing my jacket or its discarded, ripped bloody a denim rag clogging up a drain.
someone got stabbed hereabouts - 1 week ago outside the Hayfield.
I guess it was incredibly stoopid going to a mostly black bar. Won't go again tho have a perverted sense of wishing to go back 'n' ask questions, questions - as if the answers would justify any of it. how could anything i did merit what happened - this is indeed doubtful.
this time last night I was at Stomps. after 1 small bottle of kiwi lemon 20/20 1 litre of boss super cider & moving my room around a bit.
left Stomps - quite drunk went to Silver Fir Tree club on Chapeltown Rd. seemed okay. Danced a little, chatted, then outside I think I got chased by a number of women - I ran & fell over. Kinda saw some faces & felt being kicked - not fully sure image stays in my memory of my hand being covered in blood.
there were people - police - ambulance don't remember - breathing mask. All a blur really. On a bed, trolley doctor & nurse stitching my face up Was taken to a bed in Ward 28. Slept, woke got up, dressed and discharged myself they got me a free taxi. Got to St Mary's Rd - called on Lucy & Finlay - in the middle of the night - fin gave me spare keys for #3 - couldn't get the door unlocked so I went round the back. smashed kitchen window climbed in & went to bed.
Got up at 4/5pm bad head - aches & pains. bruised ribs - bruised coccys (base of spine). pulled a clump of hair out - its all dry & clogged with blood. knee scraped elbow chewed up. Jaw painful both sides mostly on right side where jawbone joins skull.
its mega painful to move - requiring slow definite movements helped by hands lifting main bulk.
I think about what I lost
- I think of the people who did this to me. How we shall meet on the bus, or in the street. They will prob recognize me I won't them tho suspicion will flare.
- my denim jacket: given by Gals. in the pockets - right: pen, blank lottery ticket, keys to flat/house in key holder 'Harley Davidson'. Left: 2 tapes, 1 back to the planet, 2 can't remember. tobacco, rizlas, lighter from dad.
- taken from my jeans (must've been 'shaken down'): wallet containing £10 + or -, timesaver BBBS ATM card, library ticket, leisure card, photo of me with Ginny & Duncans address - in back pocket, right. Front left - 2 batteries. In back pocket, left: condoms.
- shirt pocket - Alba £4.99 personal hifi - containing 'Blue Murder' and 'Bon Jovi 'Keep the Faith' tape and panasonic headphones.
4am the carnival of remembrance cavorts on.wake - never slept - fitful dozing after page 402 of Needful Things (Stephen King). That Clash song from Sandinista "somebody got murdered" 'small stain on the pavement' thinking of my blood on the street someplace a phone call - a passing patrol car - another or rather the penultimate dogend.
the cuts, the grazes, the ache, the pain, the loss, apprehension, being ripped off. someone prob. will be wearing my jacket or its discarded, ripped bloody a denim rag clogging up a drain.
someone got stabbed hereabouts - 1 week ago outside the Hayfield.
I guess it was incredibly stoopid going to a mostly black bar. Won't go again tho have a perverted sense of wishing to go back 'n' ask questions, questions - as if the answers would justify any of it. how could anything i did merit what happened - this is indeed doubtful.
recollections of previousness
after Madder Rose 'Panic On', 2 to 3 hours of fitful repose + half-hearted masturbation -'thoughts, memories come rushing up to meet me now' [Pink Floyd 'final cut'] from beautiful, friendly Polish girl Helka - with striking poster of a face where a spiders web emanates from one eye and who designed her own clothes and whos' brother was in Leeds new wave band Silent Ambition. Contemporary to Soft Cell Phono crowd. Little London & cups of tea unrequited thru shyness tho visiting her house makes me wonder - why no dates further on or kisses.
To Menwith Peace Camp, Tree playing - I doing an amazing guitar solo (or so it seemed) whilst I watched Vym chase after a stick with krishna top knot hair - Pog on tabla's Tub in audience - Quakers Crunch with John Womble, Brench & Girl half in & half out of tent with braided hair & cheeky knowing smile (later girlfriend Jyll) Eventually to a visit to Dallas asking if he knew somewhere I could live. next door #37 with Andy & Simon Kettleburner and Lands Lane Anti Fascist activity 'where's your dignity?'
Liz Phair's 'I'm gonna spend another year alone...'
Sunday 15th October (1995?) 7am
To Menwith Peace Camp, Tree playing - I doing an amazing guitar solo (or so it seemed) whilst I watched Vym chase after a stick with krishna top knot hair - Pog on tabla's Tub in audience - Quakers Crunch with John Womble, Brench & Girl half in & half out of tent with braided hair & cheeky knowing smile (later girlfriend Jyll) Eventually to a visit to Dallas asking if he knew somewhere I could live. next door #37 with Andy & Simon Kettleburner and Lands Lane Anti Fascist activity 'where's your dignity?'
Liz Phair's 'I'm gonna spend another year alone...'
Sunday 15th October (1995?) 7am
#237 in an occasional series
#237 in an occasional series
bummer - lost a day, nearly increased
my police record - for phone nuisance.
smashed my living room window. littered
behind tv with glass fragmented shards
- kinda getting a feeling - connexion
with glass. As the 1 litre safeway
vodka bottle was made of heat treated sand
- don't know where it is now - or rolling baccy
not much surprise. quote B Bragg 'I hate the
arsehole I become everytime (I'm with you)'
stretch the meaning to alcohol affects... thinkin'
(a little bit) - quote Joni Mitchell (& Edith Piaf) 'no regrets,
coyote'.
Monday 13th November (1995?) 22:19
bummer - lost a day, nearly increased
my police record - for phone nuisance.
smashed my living room window. littered
behind tv with glass fragmented shards
- kinda getting a feeling - connexion
with glass. As the 1 litre safeway
vodka bottle was made of heat treated sand
- don't know where it is now - or rolling baccy
not much surprise. quote B Bragg 'I hate the
arsehole I become everytime (I'm with you)'
stretch the meaning to alcohol affects... thinkin'
(a little bit) - quote Joni Mitchell (& Edith Piaf) 'no regrets,
coyote'.
Monday 13th November (1995?) 22:19
to be continued not.
to be continued not.
Watching Homicide
getting shivers when music plays.
(thinkin' there's someone out there
just like me.)
when the credits begin.
thinking there's someone...
there is someone...
is someone...
thinking
but not thinking of you.
'less the psychic voice
is a lie
and its only schitzophrenia
shattered personality. In tune
with the tv schedule.
Maybe get the right emotion
with the correct combination
of alcohol, cigarettes and media.
Monday October 9th - 11pm (1995?)
Watching Homicide
getting shivers when music plays.
(thinkin' there's someone out there
just like me.)
when the credits begin.
thinking there's someone...
there is someone...
is someone...
thinking
but not thinking of you.
'less the psychic voice
is a lie
and its only schitzophrenia
shattered personality. In tune
with the tv schedule.
Maybe get the right emotion
with the correct combination
of alcohol, cigarettes and media.
Monday October 9th - 11pm (1995?)
Thursday, 11 December 2014
Wednesday, 16 October 2013
Wednesday, 25 September 2013
- Join Date
- Jul 2010
- Posts
- 2,939
new blog - basically its my autobiography
ha ha ha, yeah - when i find the time or the inclination am gonna add stuff to it....after asking some advice about publishing it, from jon of active distro - he suggested it. i'm not expecting anything cuz hell, its my life not yours...but if your in terested & have comments please add/follow whatevs - sad to say unless major heartbreakhappens or mega-life events...i may still be doing this un til my death so beware! i may resume laughing ha ha ha, oh yeah so i have ha ha ha ha
its a pisser isn't it!
oops link is:http://tomorrowallourdreamscouldcome...logspot.co.uk/
Thursday, 7 February 2013
yan tree's you tube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/yantree?feature=mhee
is my you tube channel - if you're bored check it out, latest is a song i wrote about punk a few years ago & images uploaded from google image search - i'm all for a simple life me
is my you tube channel - if you're bored check it out, latest is a song i wrote about punk a few years ago & images uploaded from google image search - i'm all for a simple life me
wow! what a difference a year makes!
about 2011....ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha on one level
another level, oh no no no no no
an-even-other level omg! o0h well, fuck it
another level, oh no no no no no
an-even-other level omg! o0h well, fuck it
Sunday, 20 November 2011
ho hum...my descent into obscurity....part 23
hey you get out of my brain
told you once wont tell you again
youve given me alot of pain
cuz you wont get outta my brain
loved you once now thats a fact
now i want you off my back
wannna go & live my life
an forget all this trouble & strife
becuz ive got you outta my brain
.........unfinished (badly remembered song written by me age 14 or 15)
well, all my waking thoughts are of you
when i said i was going back - think it took you ummmmm 1 day to give yr mobile number, written on piece of paper, to a bloke to giv to 'object of yr affection/desire'....and from that night texting about.....well guess what?! yeah sex...
next day - you waited in, cuz couldnt go out. i turn up unexpected after 'guy' sent a picture of his knob! - you saying no sex cuz of whatever reason....soon as i left....you went & fucked him.
yeah - thats what lovers' do....and you say - occasionally you still love me....as i occasionally do too.
jeez louise! its like i'm there as a mixed up teenager again, and the person i want is looking at me whilst fucking someone else and winking at me.....saying 'ohhhhh this is sooooo good'
why do i let my self get used & abused like this
why am i ranting on about this
(subject to editing, deletion, and terminal downward spirals of heartbroken, cheated, abused, despair) - nothing new there then?!
oh yeah excuse - 'well if i cant have you'(?)
told you once wont tell you again
youve given me alot of pain
cuz you wont get outta my brain
loved you once now thats a fact
now i want you off my back
wannna go & live my life
an forget all this trouble & strife
becuz ive got you outta my brain
.........unfinished (badly remembered song written by me age 14 or 15)
well, all my waking thoughts are of you
when i said i was going back - think it took you ummmmm 1 day to give yr mobile number, written on piece of paper, to a bloke to giv to 'object of yr affection/desire'....and from that night texting about.....well guess what?! yeah sex...
next day - you waited in, cuz couldnt go out. i turn up unexpected after 'guy' sent a picture of his knob! - you saying no sex cuz of whatever reason....soon as i left....you went & fucked him.
yeah - thats what lovers' do....and you say - occasionally you still love me....as i occasionally do too.
jeez louise! its like i'm there as a mixed up teenager again, and the person i want is looking at me whilst fucking someone else and winking at me.....saying 'ohhhhh this is sooooo good'
why do i let my self get used & abused like this
why am i ranting on about this
(subject to editing, deletion, and terminal downward spirals of heartbroken, cheated, abused, despair) - nothing new there then?!
oh yeah excuse - 'well if i cant have you'(?)
Thursday, 10 November 2011
the end of time......love is dead
yeah, should've seen it coming but - hell, love is blind.
Me, still all fired up...but clingy, needy, moany...doing 'your' head in
Her: well 'maybe i never really loved you' - paraphrased from an actual text
have you seen her blog, see what she wrote?
fuck so now after our 'affair' and the total destruction of my relationship...self-pityingly...poor poor me :-(
trying to get a life back from the fucken wreckage..
her? had an argument with the boyfriend - (never moved out, ever?)decided to have a fresh start, got fish in a tank, a puppy, new car, was gonna move to a new house etc etc.
moans at me for wanting her saying - hey, chill out - stop whining, or wingeing...i can either try & go back.
see her for occasional, covert sex,
or live a very sad lonely life
ha ha ha ha - and i thought she loved me - could never live without me! I still in some ways feel like this but! i'd just be fooling myself if i thought any of the mad, bad, intense crazyness we had - if any of it were still alive. Nope its totally dead.
My next goal is to get this through my thick skull and REALIZE the truth of it.
Love is a fools paradise
love is not eternal
when one side goes out - the other weakens & eventually dies....mine is weakening, but not enough - i need to KILL it dead! before i can move on!
Me, still all fired up...but clingy, needy, moany...doing 'your' head in
Her: well 'maybe i never really loved you' - paraphrased from an actual text
have you seen her blog, see what she wrote?
fuck so now after our 'affair' and the total destruction of my relationship...self-pityingly...poor poor me :-(
trying to get a life back from the fucken wreckage..
her? had an argument with the boyfriend - (never moved out, ever?)decided to have a fresh start, got fish in a tank, a puppy, new car, was gonna move to a new house etc etc.
moans at me for wanting her saying - hey, chill out - stop whining, or wingeing...i can either try & go back.
see her for occasional, covert sex,
or live a very sad lonely life
ha ha ha ha - and i thought she loved me - could never live without me! I still in some ways feel like this but! i'd just be fooling myself if i thought any of the mad, bad, intense crazyness we had - if any of it were still alive. Nope its totally dead.
My next goal is to get this through my thick skull and REALIZE the truth of it.
Love is a fools paradise
love is not eternal
when one side goes out - the other weakens & eventually dies....mine is weakening, but not enough - i need to KILL it dead! before i can move on!
Saturday, 20 August 2011
blooming heck, time flies!
Just a rant today.....been moderatly happy/sad past few weeks & months, lots of serious life-changes taken place......sure there's more to come.......that's it for now.
Oh yeah, writing this on Android phone.....technology is amazing!
Oh yeah, writing this on Android phone.....technology is amazing!
Monday, 25 April 2011
The Supremes Baby Love
ok first song i could think of...i bought this from a leeds record shop cos a modette was way too embarrased to buy it herself, dunno why, tiz a cool song - video makes it look a squillions years old tho tbf. not really what i'm looking for but hey i just wrote a cool enough reason for it to be on my blog!
Sunday, 24 April 2011
Friday, 15 April 2011
Sunday, 3 April 2011
Saturday, 2 April 2011
Wednesday, 30 March 2011
Tuesday, 29 March 2011
Monday, 21 March 2011
Friday, 18 March 2011
Tuesday, 15 March 2011
Tuesday, 8 March 2011
http://kismethc.tripod.com/the original, pre-myspace, site for the band....some of it is quite funny maybe. browse around - enjoy....or despise - whichever
hi, here again - izzy, the cat, pissed on my bed so's i'm awake all night. reflection of the 1/4 year gone so far... mobile phones can be fun. sublime existence from mortalitys chains of reality. compounded emotion compressed continually crushed underground underneath my level of understanding. i'm scrabbling around in the never ending dark
encountering pain, the emotional equivalent of armaggedon - recurring repeatedly
never ever ending
ha ha this is not a poem more a solliloqy on events
encountering pain, the emotional equivalent of armaggedon - recurring repeatedly
never ever ending
ha ha this is not a poem more a solliloqy on events
Sunday, 26 December 2010
Thursday, 5 August 2010
Monday, 11 January 2010
Sunday, 13 December 2009
Friday, 6 November 2009
Photo from Dallas of me n him 1988 - ish
In the meantime, here's an excellent shot of us both on the back steps of 39 & 41 when we were younger, better looking, less wrinkled and obviously, a little slimmer! Jesus! Love the t-shirts tho', I'm wearing a dilapidated Joy Division shirt and I remember designing and screen printing that Eat The Rich one you're wearing... punk as feck!
Monday, 2 November 2009
KHC song Token Victories
ok I'm not a fan of the actual content of the ideas within the lyrics of this song but its the best recorded version we have of the song & it sounds cool.
http://rapidshare.com/files/301301037/003_-_Token_Victories_2_master__-_Token_Victories_2_master.wav
http://rapidshare.com/files/301301037/003_-_Token_Victories_2_master__-_Token_Victories_2_master.wav
Wednesday, 28 October 2009
Saturday, 24 October 2009
Profane Existence PODCAST
itpc://www.profaneexistence.org/index.php?option=com_podcast&view=feed&format=raw
Raw Feed:
http://www.profaneexistence.org/index.php?option=com_podcast&view=feed&format=raw
Remember to set your media player to automatically check for updates!
btw Dan suggested putting this link here so GO FOR IT...its dead good
Sunday, 4 October 2009
photos2
various photos from the 80's mainly, of me & friends & some family maybe...mainly to show off my silly outrageous hair-do's...oh those halcyon daze
Tuesday, 29 September 2009
Monday, 28 September 2009
Tuesday, 1 September 2009
Monday, 31 August 2009
lost dreams 4
LOST DREAMS 4
mostly a cut n paste zine with numerous contributors from around the planet. I made & arranged the zine with co-editor Claire Leaper. It had been about 10 years since i had done a zine so this is what happened when i got back into it. think Andy Bald Cactus did the printing. i was a student nurse at the time so i used to do it after my shifts finished & on the rare days when i wasn't doing agency work (so i could afford to live!). I think its the most punky of the Lost Dreams zines.
Saturday, 29 August 2009
the doorway...
white door (with loadsa graffiti) leading into my teenage bedroom (black walls [!!!!!] and beermats & beer towels), it seems like just yesterday when i'd escape into there & play 'troops of tomorrow' by the exploited or listen to 'bloody revolutions' by crass....ooooh the ambiguity but it was all just PUNK to me!You and Me March 2002
Open publication - Free publishing
the sex issue! I had read previous you and me zines & found them thought provoking & inspiring. imagine my surprise when this issue was based around sex...informative articles, etc.
Thursday, 27 August 2009
art strike 1990-1993
http://www.mediafire.com/?jmz92t91y5m
not quite a zine...more a manifesto! it arrived in my hands as I was just about to embark on the next 5year plan....go to art college. yet it was saying 'i should strike' WOW what a dilemma. i went to Jacob Kramer art college then on a wednesday evening after voluntary work at west yorks peace centre. I remember i DID go on strike - which meant not drawing in life class....ignoring the 'still life' & discussing with the tutors what being on strike meant, why i was doing it, what i hoped to achieve. after a week maybe 2 it was back to the a.r.t.
Tuesday, 25 August 2009
uuuuhhhhh i'm back...or am i?
jeez its taken, what, 2 years to log back in...what a breeze. Not!
more (or less) on the way...to use that awful cliche - watch this (cyber) space :-)
more (or less) on the way...to use that awful cliche - watch this (cyber) space :-)
Sunday, 13 May 2007
Thursday, 26 April 2007
Saturday, 14 April 2007
Thursday, 5 April 2007
Saturday, 24 March 2007
recent painting (multi-media image) done
to keep boredom & un-creativity at bay
althopugh it is a re-hashed image of many mnay diverse themes, not a 'new' image
suppose same could be applied to anarchism & anarcho sydicalist theory
where is the actual practice?
anyway - back to the factory floor....
1st post!
wow, dunna know what to say - as usual
listening to children of the damned by Iron Maiden currently
well, a bit of - now: going down with alice - mad dogs & englishmen
hey - time to see if this works (yes I try & self-censor my stuff, not always successful!)
listening to children of the damned by Iron Maiden currently
well, a bit of - now: going down with alice - mad dogs & englishmen
hey - time to see if this works (yes I try & self-censor my stuff, not always successful!)
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